Reverse pie-chology

Had an 18th century novelist come back to life in South London at Christmas 2013, she or he would have been amazed at the number of people wishing Insanity upon themselves and their friends. 

Insanity – for those of you who’ve been in a flotation tank for the last year – is the exercise craze sweeping the western world. It promises to get you fit and trim in 60 days – all rippling muscles and sweatbands of righteousness. [Take a look http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W-aNTrq_a4 tho’ you might want to hold a towel while you watch. The sweat jumps out from the exercisers lunging and bouncing around on YouTube .]

Everyone I know has Insanity – the DVD workout. The drawback though isn’t just that many of us are middle aged, a bit lazy and likely to put our backs out by doing it. Or that it cost £100 and will never be used. The biggest drawback for the person who actually takes part in Insanity is that exercising like a demon in front of the TV in your living room for an hour each day is going to wear a hole in the carpet. Shaun T., the face of the Insanity workout programme doesn’t mention that particular problem. How awful would it be, to re-shape your body only to find that you can’t invite any of your admirers back to your house because there’s a trainer-rubbed hole in the shag pile or scratches all over the varnished floorboards.

A chance to make some dough
Perhaps someone could develop a small Insanity rug for hiding the holes. Perhaps I will have a lucrative 2014 after all, if only I could find the energy to manufacture a revolution in carpeting. But Insanity is offering us plump people hope. It’s my guarantee if the other forms of dieting I’m doing fail. I’m holding it in reserve. In fact, before Christmas and the discovery of Udi’s gluten-free mince pies, I had lost 3 pounds.

My trick was the application of the 2:7 diet. I spotted it in a magazine at the GPs. It recommended eating few calories on just two days of the week. The trouble was that it recommended a calorie intake in three figures rather than four – which is not my scene. I encounter real Insanity if I fast. So instead, I had fruit for breakfast and salad with no meat, humus or cheese for lunch and a proper meal for dinner. Doing that seemed to help and I left the scales shaking myself like a dog who’s just peed on the wheel of a sports car.

Reversing the pies
Then came Christmas and my stock phrase from 20th December onwards: “One mince pie now and I’ll diet in the New Year”. And last night after picking up a son from the back end of South London at midnight, I downed a glass of wine and a bowl of crisps when I got back saying to my husband between mouth-fuls “One glass of wine and bowl of crisps now and I’ll diet in the New Year”.

Now I’ve lost definition around my chin again and search each morning for a forgiving waist-size in the trouser drawer. I know that the digit ‘4’ separates me from my mince pies, my crisps, my wine. 2014 will be the year of reverse pie-chology and possibly Insanity. Have a good one.

 

 

 

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