Traditions & Resolutions
Traditions
We used to have a tradition, years ago. My daughter and I would get the biggest Christmas tree we could find. It started the first year I moved into this home. I didn’t usually do a tree, because it meant stuffing the thing into a very tiny apartment. Everyone else in our immediate families had their fake tree they would bring down from storage in the same routine as other Christmas decorations.
I began contemplating how we, as a society, seem to have exchanged traditions for what’s easiest. I remember drinking hot chocolate watching my family chop down a tree. OK, watching while the farm owner chopped down the tree since none of us were going to do it! I thought it would be nice to return to the live tree tradition, although, I didn’t go cut one down ourselves. Baby steps, here, OK?
Trees were cheap. The ceilings were big. A tradition was born!
There were years where the cost of the tree dug into the Christmas budget and years where we struggled to fit it around the corner of the stairs. The tradition of getting a gargantuan tree carried through the years until one year, when we weren’t home for Christmas. We picked up a little, quite pathetic, fake tree that we have been using since. That sad, but familiar, little guy has had his own memories, however…
This year, as my daughter marks an important milestone age, I thought it important to transition a rite of passage to her: The annual throwing of the Christmas Tree. For that, we needed a live tree. You see, at some point, you have to get rid of a live tree… and throwing it over the balcony has always seemed the reasonable way to do so.
So, this year, we returned to our tradition… that we started in order to return to tradition.
From picking the tree, to decorating, to thoughts of the pending removal, we’ve been remembering previous years’ Christmases. Some funny things we did. Some ludicrous things other family members did. Lots of laughs. All memories.
Building traditions with our children not only strengthens our bonds and creates memories, but allows for an avenue to relive the memories we’ve created.
Resolutions
What are your teen’s resolutions this year? Do they even have any?
It turns out, this tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions is wasted on the old. After asking my daughter what her resolutions were this year, she said, “Teenagers don’t make resolutions. If I want to change something, I just do it. I don’t wait until the beginning of a year.”
“Wow!” I thought. “She’s really smart. Actually, wise…even if a little catty.” But, I doubted that every teenager was like that. So, I did what any curious, knowledge seeking individual would do. I hit Facebook. Well, I had my daughter hit Facebook.
It turns out, every one of the responses was very similar. “I don’t do resolutions.”
You know, that’s great! We tend to see ourselves as flawed and needing to change to be happy. The old “I’ll be happy when” scenario. The idea that “we’re just fine as we are” is good. If we notice we want to change, then we will. This removes the focus on not being enough and cultivates living in the present.
I’m proud of my daughter for that view!
But… just in case it’s secret teenagery for “I’m perfect since I know everything,” I encouraged her to reflect on the past year and note what she could do differently, or notice some area of herself she could grow. I didn’t suggest anything or even tell her what mine were. The idea is for her to make her own resolution to be what she wants herself to be.
Having our children create resolutions gives them the opportunity to change, diverge from who we are, and be themselves. Better yet, letting them see traditions in their own way, accepting them or rejecting them, is an even better way to let them think for themselves.
Whether we are involving our kids in our traditions or letting them change themselves, giving them the space to “think free” is the best gift we can give.
…even if they’re totally wrong.
Now, you can follow my shenanigans on Twitter.
You have some nice traditions with your daughter. My mom always kept the tree up until the new year. She said it was bringing the good from the previous year into the next. Maybe tossing the tree off the balcony can feel like throwing away the bad from the previous year. And it sure sounds like fun.